Getting My Shit Squared

When sitting in the E.R. trying to breathe, one cough and I shat myself,Diarrhea is a bitch when you have no control, so much for being Anal retentive!

3:30 Friday 22 May I sat on the edge of the bed to breathe, gasping for air, coughed and oozed in my shorts again, I don't know what's worst ,gasping for air or squeezing your cheeks so damn hard that your legs go numb so you don't shit yourself?

3:35 am asked for Imodium and was refused ,they need a scat test to see if I had c- diff (bad bacteria that causes lethal diarrhea that causes death); so pony up sonny to the bed pan for a stool sample.
Wtf? A stool sample , how in the hell do you give a freakin' stool sample when you have the drizzling shits , what in the hell are they asking me to preform here miracles, hey sweat cheeks that's why I need the Imodium so that I can give you a stool sample!

Now imagine this for a moment, a specialist gets paid pretty dear to play in my fecal matter, called a scatologist,his soul purpose in life is the study of shit, how high upon the medical food chain is he? Must have very low self-esteem to be a poop doctor ya think?

Friday about mid morning I finally had enough strength to get to the shitter and empty out, kept asking for the Imodium , they kept up with the " we need a stool sample!"

Monday morning I finally gave them a stool sample that they could study for hours, Tuesday morning the doctor came in with the Imodium, geeze doctor now how about a stool softener?

And remember......
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!