Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Getting My Shit Squared

When sitting in the E.R. trying to breathe, one cough and I shat myself,Diarrhea is a bitch when you have no control, so much for being Anal retentive!

3:30 Friday 22 May I sat on the edge of the bed to breathe, gasping for air, coughed and oozed in my shorts again, I don't know what's worst ,gasping for air or squeezing your cheeks so damn hard that your legs go numb so you don't shit yourself?

3:35 am asked for Imodium and was refused ,they need a scat test to see if I had c- diff (bad bacteria that causes lethal diarrhea that causes death); so pony up sonny to the bed pan for a stool sample.
Wtf? A stool sample , how in the hell do you give a freakin' stool sample when you have the drizzling shits , what in the hell are they asking me to preform here miracles, hey sweat cheeks that's why I need the Imodium so that I can give you a stool sample!

Now imagine this for a moment, a specialist gets paid pretty dear to play in my fecal matter, called a scatologist,his soul purpose in life is the study of shit, how high upon the medical food chain is he? Must have very low self-esteem to be a poop doctor ya think?

Friday about mid morning I finally had enough strength to get to the shitter and empty out, kept asking for the Imodium , they kept up with the " we need a stool sample!"

Monday morning I finally gave them a stool sample that they could study for hours, Tuesday morning the doctor came in with the Imodium, geeze doctor now how about a stool softener?

And remember......
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!



8 comments:

Tabby said...

That does not sound a like a pleasant experience at all, glad that it is over!

Marty said...

It sounds like a hellish experience. Thank God it's over. I hope you're feeling better, that you're out of the woods.
Best,
Marty

Missie said...

That does not sound like a fun time. I'm glad your home!

*Tracy* said...

sorry youve been having a tough time health wise, hope things get better. hugs

SHOOBIE HUNTER said...

YOU ALWAYS CRACK ME UP...WHEN YOU ARE GOING THRU HELL..YOU MANAGE TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH...LOVE YA BUDDY...CAN I HAVE A STOOL SAMPLE...

LdyRoxx said...

Only in your world my dear, only in your world. I'm guessing those guys were at the "bottom" of their class!

Paula said...

Guess its a good thing we have some that will study that. Good that you can keep your sense of humor. Sure hope you are feeling better now.

Terri said...

You poor thang..I know that had to be miserable!

Hugs
Terri