Thursday, December 17, 2009

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods he came flying, chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry,
Because a bimbo’s phone number she found on his blackberry.
He’d been cheating on poor little Elin,
And as each day went by another whore came out squealing.
He’d been on Holly, on Jaimee, on Rachel, on Cori,
On Joselyn, and Kalika, TMZ had the story.
From the top of the world to above the fold,
Tiger’s ever more sorted tale, it was told.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
And when he wasn’t hosing them, he sent them hot texts.
He crashed his Caddy, but didn’t call OnStar,
Yet he played “spank me daddy” with a skanky old porn star.
He’s been naughty, so with Santa he hasn’t a chance,
Except the big lump of coal that matches the lump in his pants.
But despite all his crying and begging and pleading,
Tiger’s wife went right out, bought a new home in Sweden .
And I heard her exclaim as she packed up the Escalade,
If you’re going to get laid, then I’m going to get paid.
Now she’s not pouting, in fact she’s of good cheer,
Because her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

And remember...
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

11 comments:

Frances said...

So cute, John. Poor Tiger, bet he wishes he had stayed home.........

Indigo said...

Loved this. I don't have one iota of sympathy for the guy. (Hugs)Indigo

Sugar said...

no sympathy for tiger here, either. what goes around comes around & his came around. he should've known it'd come back to bite him, & he just got bit, big time!

Paula said...

Tigers have to be caged including this one.

That corgi :) said...

I liked what Paula said, LOL

got to feel sorry for him; he had it "all" and still wanted what he shouldn't have taken and now will lose it "all"

betty

Kattytrick said...

Clever Youuuuuuuu!

But really folks, I wish this flavor of the month, media circus, bullS--t was over. Booooooreinnnng!

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Lori J said...

Well what can I say...you are poetic...

Barbara said...

The best thing I've seen about this Tiger mess! Did you write this great piece, John?

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