Friday, August 14, 2009

The Veiwing

My Debbie was laid to rest in a very beautiful silver casket,her casket spray was done in sunflowers which she loved.
The funeral home put together a beautiful slide show of her life on a big screen tv.
My Brandon and I Put together a great music selection, we played You are so beautiful to me , Put a candle in the window, butterfly kisses, candle in the wind and a few others that I don't remember.
I can't believe she is gone, God I want her back!
I loved her so much, my life is shit now!
I have bad thoughts running through my mind.
After the burial I had a bad break down when I went home,yes people, I went to the bar until midnight last night that ruined my 4 months of being sober but I will return to being sober because I made that commitment with my Debbie.
My friends it is very hard living without her,she was my everything, without my love I have no will to live any longer in this house.
I will try to keep up with my journal from time to time.
Thank you all for your lovely comments and prayers my friends, they were greatly appreciated and comforting to me.

And as always, thanks for listening!


Tabby said...

Hi John
I have been hoping to hear from you. The service you had for your beloved Debbie sounds beautiful. I can only imagine the pain you are going through right now as I am sure it does not seem real. I was worried you might slip off the wagon, but hey it is alright you are facing a great loss. Keep your promise to Debbie and try to stay sober use you friends and family as much as you can for support. My heart breaks for you my friend, Debbie is a beautiful angel now as I had never saw her picture before. Can you stay with a family member for a while instead of being in the house? I will be hear waiting to here how you are doing, but all when you are ready.
Hugs my friend, I wish I could do more.

Sugar said...

her sevice sounds beautiful, i know she'd have been pleased.
have wondered if you'd start drinking again. i know deb would want you to stay sober, so please honor her wishes.
maybe a friend or someone (that's clean) could stay with you for a few wks.
it'll be tough, but you can do it. just know debbie would want you to stay sober & live a clean life.
please email me as you feel like it. remember i'm here for you, only a mouse click away.
sending prayers.
may God bless...

Jimmy's Journal said...

John - A drink at this time in your life is quite understandable and I'm sure Debbie would have approved and understood.

You are a strong and intelligent person and I sure you'll summon the fortitude to handle this. In my heart, I know that Debbie would want you to be strong and continue forward.

Please email me if I can help in any way. I'll also be sending you my cell phone number if you need to talk.

Your friend

Linda's World said...

John, so good to hear from you. I can't even imagine how tough things are for you now. But it will get better. My husband left me in 1981 for another woman...I felt the same way you're feeling now. I just couldn't imagine my life without him. And the worst part was it hit me that he didn't love me anymore~that was the hardest thing to absorb. Debbie has left you....but she loved you with all her heart. Hang onto that love and remember all the happy times you two had. You will always love and miss her but as time passes your joy will return. Hang on my friend....we're right here beside you. Linda in Washington

Marty said...

Hi John,
Debbie sounds like an amazing woman and I know she was a great source of strength for you. Your love for her really came through on your blog, especially in the fun day-to-day jokes you shared with us. Because I feel almost as though I've gotten to know her somewhat through your blog, I feel certain she will continue watching over you and I hope you can continue to draw strength from that in the days and weeks again.

Melanie said...

hang in there sweetie...we all feel your pain.please keep up with your journal..I know Me and many others will miss if you didn't.

much love

Dawn said...


No words can compensate for your loss, and no one can understand until we ourselves are faced with a loss of the same magnitude. However, I will send you prayers and hope that as days go by, you will turn away from the sadness of Debbie's death and embrace the happiness in your memories that celebrate her life!!!

She would want you to do that, and she is still with you, just watching from the Other Side waiting for when it truly is your time to join her there.

be well... {{{hugs}}}

Paula said...

The service you chose for Debbie sounds so nice. It is hard to find the right words so say but I hope you can keep on keeping on with your blog friends because I know everyone here cares for you. I lived alone eight years after Mel died and I have wished many times I would have had a computer back then. Just try to take care of yourself now and do the best you can.

Missie said...

The service for Debbie sounds like it was beautiful!

Sending you loads of hugs my friend!!

Lisa said...

The service sounds lovely and I'm sure Debbie approved. I know how deeply you loved her and your pain is so raw and fresh. I Pray you find the strength to deal with your loss, I am sure Debbie would have wanted you to live again. My heart aches for you my dear friend and I truly wish you strength and peace.

krissy knox said...

What beautiful music you chose for her service. What an honor you gave to her before she passed over. And what a special honor you will give to her by keeping your promise to her of staying sober. I know you can do it, John.

krissy knox
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Terri said...

John, I couldn't have said it any better than Dawn...I agree completely..

I have no doubt in my mind that you will once again be sober, when we lose loved ones in our's like hitting rock bottom...Debbie I'm sure understands your need for a drink at this time...I can't say I wouldn't have picked up one myself...

Just noticed her pic on your sidebar ~ beautiful

Always here for you
Big Hugs Terri