Saturday, August 15, 2009


A ball does it
A check can do it
It's In your step
You Can Do it on a trampoline
But how does one do it After a loved one dies?
How in the freakin' hell am I'm Suppose to bounce back after what just happened to me?
My love for Debbie was greater than I thought!
My heart can't bounce back from the pain, I freakin' hurt bad, real bad inside!
Her death has eaten me up inside, like a cancer!
There is no bouncing back from this!
The fucking reaper won, I'm fucking dead inside!
It was my last dance with death , it has taken my Debbie away from me , death could not take me, so it took my Debbie instead!
Now I'm begging Death to take me home to my Debbie tonight.
I'm done bouncing!

And as always, thanks for listening!


a corgi said...

I'm so sorry for your pain; I can't imagine it. I don't think you will bounce back; there will always be that sadness that she is not there; this was a sad thing to happen and I know how much you loved Debbie and how much you miss her. I can't imagine your grief. Her service sounded like a nice one; the songs you picked honored her well I'm sure.

I'm sorry, I can't remember if you believe in God or not. I would like to send you a book if you have a faith written by Greg Laurie (pastor) after his son got killed in a car accident a year ago and the grief he/family went through. Its called Hope for Hurting Hearts. I'd be honored to send it to you if you think you would want to read it; just email me ( with your name/address and I'll get it sent out to you.

I'm so sorry. I hope you continue to write your journal and share Debbie with us; memories, etc.


Sugar said...

i hate to hear you talking like this, but understand it.
the hurt & pain you're going thru now & will continue to go thru in the difficult time s ahead is almost unbearable...but it is bearable.
i lost my sweet husband, a wonderful man (read about it in my blog on old post trip to africa), & lost my beloved younger son in 2004, & also a baby many yrs ago. the hurt is beyound description, i understand, i truly do.
but you can go on. it's hard, very hard, but you can do it.
to say time will make it better, seems unreal, you'll always have twangs of pain, but you'll have the beautiful memories too.
deb would not want you to give up, would she?
i hope you have a good friend, & perhaps some family, to stay close to during this time, it'll help.
i'll cont to keep you in my prayers, dear friend, please remember i'm here for you. you're not alone, many of us (your online friends)out here, if you'll just reach out to us.
God keep you my friend, & give you strength.

salemslot9 said...

maybe, you can still find a lil comfort from your pets
and your grandchild...

Lisa said...

I don't think we can ever bounce back from such a loss but we do learn to live with the pain, as unbearable as it may seem today..tomorrow will be a tiny bit better and so on. Time does have a way of easing our pains, be it ever so slowly.

Though we are not with you - we are all here for you when you need us. Lean on those who care about you when the road is long, we'll help you Johnny - don't give up. Debbie wouldn't have wanted you to quit.

Linda's World said...

Johnny, please just hang in there. I totally understand what you're going thru. After my husband suddenly walked away, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep...all I did was cry. But each day got a little easier. The important thing is to get up each day, take a shower, eat a little breakfast and do something for your self...go outside, sit in the rain, the sun whatever is going on out there. Everyday will be better. Remember the good times and remember that Debbie loved you with all her heart. Honor her memory by living your life to the fullest. We all care about you...we are all sending prayers and loving thoughts your way. Linda in Washington.

Terri said...

When loved ones pass away we feel like we cannot go on...but in reality we must...somehow, someway you will find the strength to carry on John...Debbie would want you too...and your grandbaby needs you around ya know :)

I am asking God to comfort you in only a way that he can and to give you peace in this most difficult time in your life...

We love you John...hang in there and know we are all here for you!