Tuesday, October 28, 2008

2 Am Dealing With Pain

Most of you know that I have copd and cronic pain in my hips.
It seems every year the breathing and the pain gets worst.
When I try to lay down it seems that my lungs are flooding and I stop breathing or Debbie rolls over and jars my legs in which sends sever pain shooting through my body.
Now I set here at 2 am pondering about life and it's meaning, why are we born,why do we get sick and the biggy why do we die?
What is the purpose of life?
Why are we here?
What is our purpose in life?
What is the big picture?
I know that alot of people will give me a religious answer to all this but that ain't what I'm searching for,nope not at all.
Is there a bigger purpose for life?
I'm not seeing it right now.
13 years ago I watched my dads life end in my arms and last month the same with my mother.
I just don't get it .
What is the purpose of life?

And as always, thanks for listening!

14 comments:

Lisa said...

I don't think you are alone in your thoughts & questions about life. I think that way too. I never have THE answer and doubt I ever will.

I'm sorry you have so much pain in your hips and your breathing causes you so much difficulty. I do hope today proves to be a better day for you my friend.
Hugs to you,

Sue said...

John, How about the simple fact that we are here for each other? I dont think you realize what joy you spread through the world, ok sick joy but joy none the less. I know its not the answer but its my reasoning. Hang in there FRIEND.

Sue

SHOOBIE HUNTER said...

ARE YOU WHINING AGAIN IRONMAN..STOP THAT..I AM HAPPY THAT YOU ARE ALIVE...WE ALL LIVE WITH SOME KIND OF FREAKING PAIN..NO ONE KNOWS THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION...ALL I CAN COME UP WITH IS WE ALL SERVICE A PURPOSE IN EACH OTHER LIVES...SO STOP IT...I LOVE YOU BUDDY...AND I AM GLAD YOUR MY FRIEND AND I AM GLAD YOUR ALIVE..I AM SORRY YOU SUFFER SO...BUT SO DO ALOT OF PEOPLE...I ALWAYS THINK OF THE PEOPLE IN THE HOLOCUST AND WHAT THEY WENT THOUGH AND HOW THEY SURVIVED THEN I STOP AND THINK THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WORSE THEN ME... MUCH LOVE AND HUGS TO MY BEST FRIEND EVER....

Sugar said...

you said you don't want a religious answer, so i won't give you one. i'm sure you've heard all that before anyway.
i'll tell you why i think we're here...a simple answer, but i believe it.
i think we're here to help others. it may be only one life we touch along our journey, and it may be several...but we are doing what we're here for when we help others on their trips through life.
does that make sense?
i hate to hear you're in pain, i hate that, you're such a wonderful person.
my stepfathe had to sleep sitting up, in a recliner during his last yrears...so he could breathe a little easier.
mom slept on her back & propped up on a doz pillows due to her copd.
do you have O2, & a breathing machine to use? if not, ask your dr about it.
maybe a hosp bed? the head will go way up & you can change the knee or foot of the bed to make you more comfy.
then on nights you feel like it, you could sleep in bed with deb. ;)
much love & hugs to you...

Rose said...

I'm sorry you are in pain Darling! I also have COPD and that is why no insurance will accept me. So, I pay out of pocket for my medical expenses.

I'm grateful I'm not in pain and I got smart and stopped smoking 2 years ago. That damn addiction is awful and it was not easy to give up.

I pray for you my friend. Don't doubt your existence on this planet. You are here for a reason.

Hugs, Rose

It's Just Me ~ Katie! said...

I hope were not here to endure such pain, but to ease it from others. My hopes are that you find comfort, relief and your answers soon. Take care of you my friend,
Katie

Dawn said...

Oh how I relate... I often lay awake in pain and find myself pondering all of that too. Then, I find myself looking at a life blessing,kids, pets, hubby...whatever, and focus just on the day.

{{hugs}} be well...

Dornbrau said...

My daughter and I just had a deep discussion about life, fate and God's will. I don't believe in God's will, especially in cases of pain, illness, and natural disasters. Fate is a convenient explanation for some things which cannot otherwise be explained. As for life, I do not believe that it has a pre-defined definition other than what you might find in the dictionary. What I tell my kids is that life is like a lump of clay for you to make what you can of it. Not all clay is the same, not everything that happens to the clay is within your control. It's what you do with the clay and all its flaws and attributes that defines what it is. I know people who are worse off than I who actually lead a better life than I do. And I know others who are more fortunate than I in many ways and yet they envy me. You take what you have, you make what you can. You go after what you want or need, pass on what you don't. Learn, teach, give and take, experience, accept or challenge. Your life is painful, but it still has meaning, but only you can define it... Life doesn't have a purpose, the individual does. Perhaps your purpose was to be there for your parents... not to watch them die but to watch them live.
Rest easy my friend.
Dorn~

MISSY said...

I know what it's like not being able to breath. I've had to sleep sitting up many of nights.

The purpose of life? I don't know if we really have any. I think maybe we just live and die like the other mammals. Maybe we go to heaven or hell.... Who knows.

Try to take comfort in the fact that you were there for you parents and were close to them and you loved each other. You made a difference in someone's life and that's important.

*M*

Terri said...

I don't know all the answers...I wish I did....I'm sorry you are in pain...I hope you find comfort somehow...

Hugs
Terri

a corgi said...

I'm sorry you aren't feeling well; that is 2 hard things to deal with

won't give you an answer to your question since you don't want a religious one (although I'm not religious, I just believe in God)

but will ask you a question--are you glad you are here? are you glad you got to experience life, to love a woman and to be loved, to experience some great foods and to see some awesome things? Life was never meant to be easy; but I'm glad I have had a chance to live :)

betty

Marty said...

I don't know the answers to any of your questions, and don't think anyone else does, either. But it seems to me that part of living is to just somehow accept that there are some things that are beyond us and to




























































enjoy life's little pleasures ... like your blog.
Best,
Marty

Paula said...

I hope today will be a better day for you Johnny G.

Indigo said...

Can't say I've figured that one out yet. I can feel you on the breathing issues. I was up most of the night trying to simply breathe. It seems worth the past week or so. It's my first winter with the Emphysema...I don't know maybe the cold makes it worse. I sure as hell hope not, I don't want to spend the winter this way. (Hugs)Indigo