She Did It All

Well folks I'm not adjusting to well ,my Debbie did a lot around here.
It takes me all freakin' day what she did in a few hours.
Getting animal smells out of the house is a main issue for me due to copd , Debbie made sure that It was gone if one of the animals had an accident or came in wet.
Cleaning chemicals kill me, I don't know what to use for what, when I was out doing errands on her day off she'd clean and air out the fumes.
Cooking is another issue, I know how to cook but can't cook for one , it seems like a waste of food because I won't eat the same stuff 5 days in a row and I'm not ready to cook a weeks worth of meals in one day.
Putting socks on is a chore, can't lift my right leg to do it.
Making the bed is a freakin' all day chore for me.
Simple stuff is work for me, cutting my lawn forget about it!
Sweeping is ok but using a dust pan just don't happen.
She took care of it all here , I guess I'll have to sit and think awhile to see if I can make things easier for me.
I guess I have to deploy my military thinking to over come most of the chores but I don't think A hose and a leaf blower are the right tools for now.

And as always, thanks for listening!

It's Been One Week

My Debbie has been gone for a week now , she comes to me in my dreams.
I awake happy then reality sets in, I'm lonely,Sassy is lonely but we manage to get thru the days.
On the tats, I want to get both but the rose and rosary will be first.
Tomorrow ,if I can manage , I'm going to her grave for a good cry.
Tomorrow , I'm also getting my American Legion card so I can be around people it'll get me thru this, no drinking just to play pool and converse.
I loved her so much, more then life itself,she was my goddess!
Thank you so much for your support and warm comments friends it helps.

And as always, thanks for listening!

Tats For My Debbie

Bounce

A ball does it
A check can do it
It's In your step
You Can Do it on a trampoline
But how does one do it After a loved one dies?
How in the freakin' hell am I'm Suppose to bounce back after what just happened to me?
My love for Debbie was greater than I thought!
My heart can't bounce back from the pain, I freakin' hurt bad, real bad inside!
Her death has eaten me up inside, like a cancer!
There is no bouncing back from this!
The fucking reaper won, I'm fucking dead inside!
It was my last dance with death , it has taken my Debbie away from me , death could not take me, so it took my Debbie instead!
Now I'm begging Death to take me home to my Debbie tonight.
I'm done bouncing!

And as always, thanks for listening!

The Veiwing

My Debbie was laid to rest in a very beautiful silver casket,her casket spray was done in sunflowers which she loved.
The funeral home put together a beautiful slide show of her life on a big screen tv.
My Brandon and I Put together a great music selection, we played You are so beautiful to me , Put a candle in the window, butterfly kisses, candle in the wind and a few others that I don't remember.
I can't believe she is gone, God I want her back!
I loved her so much, my life is shit now!
I have bad thoughts running through my mind.
After the burial I had a bad break down when I went home,yes people, I went to the bar until midnight last night that ruined my 4 months of being sober but I will return to being sober because I made that commitment with my Debbie.
My friends it is very hard living without her,she was my everything, without my love I have no will to live any longer in this house.
I will try to keep up with my journal from time to time.
Thank you all for your lovely comments and prayers my friends, they were greatly appreciated and comforting to me.

And as always, thanks for listening!

Debbie

since friday my debbie put up the fight of her life.
she passed away12:45 pm today.

My Debbie

I rushed my Debbie to the hospital friday night , by saturday morning they put her in ccu at 9:30 am , sometime in the mid after noon to early evening she was put on a vent, 9:30 pm she coded , she will not be come home with me ,we don't expect her to make it through the day.
thank you all for being our friends she loved all of you.
I'll write later when things calm down for me.