Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Dumb Ass Award Goes To........

Ohio Police Chief Accidentally Shoots Self

MONROE, Ohio (Nov. 29) - Police in southwestern Ohio say a police chief mistakenly shot himself in the thigh after giving his daughter a gun safety lesson.
A police report says 54-year-old Middletown police Chief Greg Schwarber was preparing to clean his Glock .45-caliber pistol on Friday and didn't realize the gun was still loaded.
The report written by officers from neighboring Monroe says the bullet entered Schwarber's leg just above the knee.
When officers arrived, they found the chief lying on the floor with a towel covering his leg. Schwarber was taken to a hospital for treatment.
The hospital had no record of Schwarber being treated or admitted. A home phone number for him couldn't be found.

No smart ass comments to this one,it speaks for itself!

And remember.........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Happy Birthday In Heaven Twiggy

Happy B-Day Mom In Heaven.

We miss you alot.

Say hi to pop , mary , dad, brenda, grams, uncle ted, aunt cathy and all our friends!

With love , Your son

Saturday #3's

On your journal or mine write 3 words that describes how you feel or what's going on.

My 3 words are........

I smell funky!

And remember...........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Friday, November 28, 2008

A Friday Rant

Today's Rant is about 2 hour delays for schools.

Is it me or is the freakin' system gone crazy?
I mean come on what the hell is up with this freakin' 2 hour delay for kids when the weather is bad?
Is because the city can't keep the roads safe or is it the fact that the school bus dispatcher does not want to bang up his shiny school buses?
Could it be for the safety of those special little tots that get on the bus?
Well if it is for safety's sake then put some freakin' seat belts on the buses and send those rug rats to school!
Snow Days, What the hell is that?
The only time I had a freakin' snow day was when it snowed over 3feet or the school bus drivers all called in for a freakin' sick day!
If the snow was deep we shoveled to the bus stop and if the bus got stuck we pushed it over the hill and a lot of us did not have the privilege and comfort of riding the bus, we had to walk both ways up hill to and from school without boots!
I don't know but the kids today got it easy!
Thats my rant for the day , enjoy your weekend!

And remember.......
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
and as always, thanks for listening!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

In the True spirit of a Redneck Thanksgiving , I'm watching old Nascar reruns and Drinking Budweiser!


And remember......
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The True Thanksgiving

There are many Thanksgivings in history, and harvest is traditionally a time of thanks. Our celebration of the dinner between Pilgrims and Indians however has some really dark roots. There were those 3 days of feast, to celebrate a treaty giving 12,000 acres of land to the Pilgrims. The indians brought the majority of the food. The rest is just plain ugly. Edited for length, links at bottom.In 1621 the myth of thanksgiving was born. The colonists invited Massasoit, chief of the Wampanoags, to their first feast as a follow up to their recent land deal. Massasoit in turn invited 90 of his men, much to the chagrin of the colonists. Two years later the English invited a number of tribes to a feast "symbolizing eternal friendship." The English offered food and drink, and two hundred Indians dropped dead from unknown poison. The first day of thanksgiving took place in 1637 amidst the war against the Pequots. 700 men, women, and children of the Pequot tribe were gathered for their annual green corn dance on what is now Groton, Connecticut. Dutch and English mercenaries surrounded the camp and proceeded to shoot, stab, butcher and burn alive all 700 people. The next day the Massachusetts Bay Colony held a feast in celebration and the governor declared "a day of thanksgiving." In the ensuing madness of the Indian extermination, natives were scalped, burned, mutilated and sold into slavery, and a feast was held in celebration every time a successful massacre took place. The killing frenzy got so bad that even the Churches of Manhattan announced a day of "thanksgiving" to celebrate victory over the "heathen savages," and many celebrated by kicking the severed heads of Pequot people through the streets like soccer balls.The most interesting part of thanksgiving is the propaganda that has been put out surrounding it. During the 19th century thanksgiving traditions consisted of turkey and family reunions. Whenever popular art contained both pilgrims and Indians, the scene was usually characterized by violent confrontations between the two groups, not a multi-cultural/multi-racial dinner. In 1914 artist Jennie Brownscombe created the vision of thanksgiving that we see today: community, religion, racial harmony and tolerance, after her notorious painting reached wide circulation in Life magazine. On June 20, 1676 Edward Rawson was unanimously voted by the governing council of Charlestown, Massachusetts, to proclaim June 29th as the first day of thanksgiving.It was not until 1863 that Abe Lincoln, needing a wave of patriotism to hold the country together, that Thanksgiving was nationally and officially declared and set forth to this day.Adamant protests to the celebration of thanksgiving have taken place over the years. As early as 1863 Pequot Indian Minister William Apess urged "every man of color" to mourn the day of the landing, and bury Plymouth Rock in protest. In 1970 Apess got his way. 1970 was the "350th" anniversary of thanksgiving, and became the first proclaimed national day of mourning for American Indians. For the next 24 years, American Indians staged protest every thanksgiving, in 1996 the United American Indians of New England put a stop to the annual pilgrim parade and forced the marchers to turn around and head back toward the seaside (symbolism?). In 1997 the peaceful protestors were assaulted by members of the Plymouth police, the county sheriffs department, and state troopers on horseback in full riot gear. Men, women, children, and elders were beaten, pepper sprayed and gassed. Twenty-Five people were arrested; blacks, whites, latinos, Indians, and even a 67-year-old Penobscot elder were taken to jail. Videotape was later produced to confirm the assault and ensuing police brutality. Plymouth is known as "Americas Hometown."

And as always, thanks for listening!

A New Type Of Graffiti

Nebraska's 'Butt Bandit' suspect faces charges
VALENTINE, Neb. -Ten misdemeanor counts have been filed against a man Cherry County authorities believe is the vandal some townspeople have dubbed the "Butt Bandit."
Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said that on Tuesday he filed nine counts of public indecency and one count of disturbing the peace against 35-year-old Tom Larvie, of Valentine. All are misdemeanors.
Larvie is suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints of his naked behind, and sometimes his groin, on the windows of stores, churches and schools in Valentine since the spring of 2007.
The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly.
Scott said Larvie was caught in the act by police early Wednesday morning.
Larvie could not be reached to comment.

I Guess he has put alittle of himself into his art work for the Love Of Valentine's.

And remember.........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A little Joke At 1:30 Am

A young newlywed couple were making love all day, they are tired and go to bed but forget to turn the light out,they argue for the very first time about who is going to shut the light out.

The husband realizes it was stupid to argue and tells his wife who ever comes up with the best rhyme the loser has to get up and shut off the light.

She agrees and goes first.

After a few minutes of thought she says "3&3 is 6 & 3 is 9 , I know the length of yours but you don't know the depth of mine!"

She thinks she won and tells her husband to go shut off the lights.

His Quick response was " Honey you are right 3&3 is 6 & 3 is 9 but I can piss in yours but you can't piss in mine!"

And remember.....

Laissez les bon temps rouler!

And as always, thanks for listening!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Spending My Christmas& New Years In The Crapper

NY public toilets feature TVs, tuxedoed attendants

NEW YORK -What a relief! The free public restrooms operated by the Charmin toilet paper company in Times Square during the holidays are being rolled out for another year.
It's the third straight year for the 20 deluxe stalls.
The plush potties feature flat-screen televisions, attendants dressed in tuxedos and plenty of Charmin.
The loos are so luxurious that Charmin promises Times Square tourists will feel like kings sitting on their thrones before making their royal flushes.
The toilets are being inaugurated Monday with a ceremonial first flush by pop singer and Broadway star Joey Fatone (fuh-TOHN').
They'll be open every day through the end of the year except Christmas Day. For the first time they'll be open on New Year's Eve for the crowd watching the 2009 ball drop.

And they say I'm freakin' crazy!

And remember........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Holiday Blues

With a drink in my hand and holiday traditions now gone here I sit gently weeping.
All my holidays started out alright but thru the times there was always something dysfunctional going on.

As far as gentle weeping goes, it is alot off my chest, blood pressure is down and my mind is calm but i sure miss Mom & Dad!

And as always, thanks for listening!

Saturday #3's

On your journal or mine write 3 words that describes what's going on or how you feel.

My 3 words are........

In pain today!

And as always, thanks for listening!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Let Them Eat Cake

My favorite priest , Father James at area 51, put me in for the Marie Antoinette award and I won , I'm sure he had our congression stuff the ballots!

Thanks Father James, there will be a $50.00 food stamp in the basket for this Sunday's service.

The award is About Real Blogs By Real People.

The Rules are that when you recieve this prestigous award you have to pass it on to 1-10 deserving people.

Then let those people know that you picked them.

Then place the tag on your side bar ,if I remember how to.
Here are my picks for the award........
This was hard to pick , you guys and gals out there are all worthy of this award but I picked The top ten big payers for this award, ok people start sending in the money!
And Remember......
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Can You Feel The Love?

Last night Debbie & I were at it again over money woes, all I want her to do is think before she buys,if you don't need it don't buy it.

Her response to this was"John you penny pinching tight wad do the world a favor and pull your lower lip over your head and swallow!!!!!!!"

Can you feel the freakin' love here?

And remember.......
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

My Brain Is In Pain Again

Listen Up Peeps

A friend of mine yesterday was diagnosed with a brain tumor, she said it was the size of a walnut, so please go to her blog give her good well wishes and prayers .
Her Name is Dutch.

Thanks friends!

And as always thanks for listening!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Dissociative Identy Disorder

Multiple personality disorder (MPD) is a psychiatric disorder characterized by having at least one "alter" personality that controls behavior. The "alters" are said to occur spontaneously and involuntarily, and function more or less independently of each other. The unity of consciousness, by which we identify our selves, is said to be absent in MPD. Another symptom of MPD is significant amnesia which can't be explained by ordinary forgetfulness. In 1994, the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-IV replaced the designation of MPD with DID: dissociative identity disorder. The label may have changed, but the list of symptoms remained essentially the same.

21 and 1/2 years ago I was going out with this chick named Ruth.
I asked a friend hows about hooking me up with this chick , she is smoking hot, he told me to leave her alone she is a freakin' wack job.

Ok , how bad can she be?

I asked her out and she said yes, I took her to a club I belonged to and we hit it off that night and for the first 2 months every thing was ok , then I noticed changes in her moods.

One night she wanted crazy monkey sex and I was more than happy to oblige.

2 days later she gives me a booty call, she picks me up and we go back to her apartment for some more wild monkey sex and as we were at it she looks me dead in the eyes and says I don't do it that way.
2 days ago I had this broad swinging from the cieling fans yelling me Jane You Tarzan!

Well I thought may be it was the booze and she forgot about all the fun we had 2 days ago.

The next day I called her up and wanted to know if she wanted to go out , she asked me who I was ,I told her it was me and she hung up, I call her back and she said hello this is Nacy you have the wrong number!

What the hell is wrong with this chick?

I call my buddy up and asked what he meant by a freakin' wack job, he told me she had Multi Personalities, the first few days she is Ruth , then Nacy and finally Sally.
If she takes her meds she is stable if not they all come out at different times,Yeah no shit.

Well I thought to my self I'll deal with it and date all 3 in her head , shit this could be fun , 3 girls different days wow!

Well people don't ever do this it could be quite dangerous, while making love to ruth, nacy pops in and starts yelling and bitching at Ruth to stay away from her man and after all calmed down Sally pops out and wants a foursome with the other 2 and me.

I broke up with all 3 that night , I could not handle a foursome!

But it was fun while it lasted!

And remember.......
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Why Is This Wrong?

In the State of Florida it is Illegal to have sex with a porcupine !

I wonder who the first person was that got caught?

And remember......
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Can You Feel The Love?

After taking my meds and downing a few drinks I was in a lustful kind of way.
"Debbie" I said " I'm very horny tonight!"
Her freakin' reply was " John , take matters into your own hands, I'm in a Ithphallophobia kind of way!"

Can you feel the freakin' love here?

And remember.......
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Disturbing Dream

I awoke at 3am shaking and screaming from a bad dream.
In my dream I was at a concert and I was trying to get back to my seat, the fans started chanting Helen, Helen , Helen, I look , there was my Grand Mother naked as a Blue Jay , swinging her Granny Pantys over her head yelling " Bobby you Polish Prince take me I'm Yours!
It was disturbing enough to see my Grand Ma trying to get laid at a concert but more disturbing to me was what in the freakin' hell was I doing at A Bobby Vinton Concert ?

And remember..........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

A Night In Bed With Debbie And I

Saturday #3's

On your journal or mine write 3 words that describes what is going on or how you feel.
My 3 words are......
Sleeping with dog.

And remember..........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always , thanks for listening!

Friday, November 14, 2008

I Shit You Not

Crocs and Birth Control
In 2000 BC, Egyptian physicians recommended using pessaries of crocodile dung as a spermicide. While this ancient birth control method is no doubt unavailable at your local pharmacy, you can probably ask your local crocodile to provide it under the table.

Honey is it your turn to go get the contraceptives?

Baby , you smell marvelous!

And remember.........

Laissez les bon temps rouler!

And as always, thanks for listening!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I Shit You Not

Before there was Toilet Paper.......

You should thank your lucky stars you live in the twentieth century, bucko. Let me tell you about ... corncobs. You may not believe this, but it was once common practice in rural America to leave a corncob hanging from a string in the outhouse for purposes of personal hygiene. The string, I gather, was to permit the cob to be reused. For those who were punctilious in these matters, or else blessed with an abundance of corncobs, a box of disposable cobs might be provided instead. In coastal regions, the cob might be replaced by a mussel shell.
For those who had access to it, paper from discarded books or newspapers was often preferred to either of the foregoing. The meteoric growth of the Sears Roebuck company, for instance, is thought to be partly attributable to the protean nature of its catalogs, which, historians tells us, might serve a family of regular habits for an entire season. As with the cob, the catalog would be hung in the outhouse on a string and pages torn off as needed. It is said the use of coated stock, which was nonabsorbent, was a source of great consternation to farm families when Sears began printing color pictures in the catalog earlier in this century.
English lords, in attempting to teach their sons to be cultivated gentlemen, often advised purchasing an inexpensive volume of verse for use in the loo. The idea, of course, was that while you were sitting there in a contemplative state you would be able to read a few stanzas, subsequent to which the paper could be put to other ends, so to speak. It has not escaped my notice that my magnum opus, The Straight Dope: A Compendium of Human Knowledge, is also well suited for this purpose. Indeed, in the next edition we are thinking about perforating the pages, for maximum convenience.

And remember............
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

God Bless All Veterans

Thank you for serving our great nation.
God Bless you all!

And as always, thanks for listening!

E-4 John Garnett

Communication Specialist And Cannon Crewman

Btry B 1/bn 109th Fa.

Sunday, November 9, 2008


In the depths of my mind I replay 9-14-08 and now I realize that it did not matter how fast the ambulance came, nor how much cpr we did it was just her time or was it?
I mean did I do right thing by taking her off of life support?
Did I give her a fighting chance?

My mind has been tortured for almost 2 months now and personally friends I need to kill that pain , How? I don't know yet but it ain't getting better in my head.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Saturday #3's

On your journal or mine write 3 words that describes how you feel or what's going on.

My 3 words are......

John is drained!

And as always,thanks for listening!

Quotes By Famous Drunks

On his death bed,Pablo Picasso's last words....

Drink to me , Drink to my health fore I can't drink anymore!

And remember........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Pimp Daddy Spitzer Gets Off Of Criminal Charges

Things That Amaze Me

Is it premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married?

And remember.........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Who's It? I'm It? What Do You Mean I Was Tagged?

Tag I'm it? I'll Give You I'm It!
Missy at

Wants me to list 6 things about my self that people don't know.
I'm not going to follow the rules here and tag six people, so hang on kiddies here it goes.
#1 See Above
#2 I like peeing in the shower ( Did you know that uric acid kills foot fungus?)
#3 I know all the good places to hide the bodies ( They never found Jimmy Hoffa yet Did They?)
# 4 I have voices in my head, voices what voices, shut up I'm writting here!
#5 When Debbie Ain't looking I spice up her Cooking to make it taste better!
#6 Don't Laugh Now I know you are going to laugh!
I like planting in my garden, right Shoobie Hunter!

Well that is my little secrets now not so secret anymore!

And remember.........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


A little trivia...

Who was the first woman to run for president and who was her running mate?

and as always, thanks for listening?

Obama By A Landslide

Obama wins!

I don't vote for one reason, there has 'nt been a good president since our first appointed one in 1781.

Our first President was John Hanson and as Presidents go they have been going down hill ever since!

And As always, thanks for listening!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Get Your Clothes On!

It was about 18 years ago and I a hundred pounds lighter,Debbie and I belonged to a sportsman's club, A club for hunters, shooters and fishermen.
We loved camping on their property right by the Lehigh River, it was so primitive, It had an outhouse and that was it.
As I would unload the truck and put stuff where it would belonged, it was Debbie's job to put up the tent and put the bedding and sorts in the tent then we would put tarps up and get a fire going and then she would get dinner going just for the 2 of us.
We loved sitting by the fire at night listening to the crackling of the fire , snorts of the deer,owls hooting ,the river flowing and an occasional snap of a twist off beer cap.
At night it was always a 2 person jaunt to the shitter for safety reasons, I always took a rope with us just as a joke.
The joke you ask?
I told Debbie to tie it around her waste in case she fell in so she can climb out so the shit eating skunks don't get her!
We loved waking up to the sound of turkeys gobbling and if you were quite enough and sneak down by the river you'd get a glimpse of deer drinking from it.
By 10 am we were down at the river fishing and by noon swimming and beer drinking would be the engagement for the day and at night more beer and slow dancing by the fire.
I sure do miss those days!
I remember one time camping there Debbie was putting stuff in the tent and I took a beer break and put on the radio on , Joe Cocker was playing "You Can Leave Your Hat On" and good ole Johnny G. was in the mood for fun, we were the only ones there and I got up on the picnic table and started doing a strip tease dance for Debbie , piece by piece the clothing came off , Johnny G . was naked as a blue jay giving Debbie a great show and that's when it happened, a dump truck full of fire wood was coming down the hill and saw my little dance, me in my B-day suit and ear to ear grin, I was like a bolt of lightening heading for the tent.
Fully clothed now I went over to the truck to explain my nudeness to the driver and he laughed as he handed me a beer and told me that he and his girl friend had the same idea for that night .
Till this day Debbie and I laugh at that memory and she still calls me a dumb ass!
And remember..........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Just A Thought

Life is one big line and there ain't no freakin' Merry Go Round at the end of it!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Stupid People

Stupid People and The Exploding Dog
True Story* from Michigan, USA.
This guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for some 30 thousand dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately gets a hold of his friend and they go do some male bonding. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen.
These 2 Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice and in order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck wants to fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than a ice hole drill.
Out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40 second fuse. Now these 2 Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that if they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Grand Cherokee), they take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly going up in smoke with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light this 40 second fuse and throw the dynamite which is what they end up doing.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns AND THE DOG? Yes, the dog. A highly trained Black Lab used for retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and gets the stick of dynamite with the burning 40 second fuse about the time it hits the ice all to the woes of the 2 idiots yelling, stomping, waving arms and wondering what the hell to do now.
The dog, well it is happy and heads back from where it came from moments before, with the stick of dynamite, only to the mounting woes of the 2 bozo's now really waving their arms, yelling even louder and jumping to new heights than ever before. Now one of the guys decides to think, something that he has never done before this moment, grabs a shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab on its appointed rounds. Dog stops for a moment, slightly confused and continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused & of course scared, thinking these 2 Nobel Prize winners have gone insane and takes off to find cover, with the now really short short fuse burning on this stick of dynamite. The cover the dogs finds? Underneath the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 some thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sitting on the lake ice.
Dog dies, and it and the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 some thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sink to the bottom of the lake leaving the 2 candidates for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces. Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company which tells him that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He had yet to make the first of those 400+ a month payments.
* Editor's note: this is generally considered an urban myth. However most of these came to me via email and I usually preserve the content pretty close to verbatim.

And remember........
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always , thanks for listening!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Dribble By Chuck Ferris

A couple of years ago I started to read a blog on aol called Dribble By Chuck Ferris and became friends with this Gentleman.
He was a man with many hats, Disabled war vet, teacher,painter, musician , air plane pilot, and a boater, ect.
His love of life was great.
Even though he was wheelchair bound he got around on his own,by van, bus, or wheelchair.
They transferred his blog over from aol to blogspot, he loved to write in his journal and when he could not write he had stand by writers when he was sick and his Daughter wrote a few until his end of life.
Out of respect for dear ole Chuck I want to start a memorial or a movement of such, to have every one here to be a follower of Mr. Ferris's Blog.
Kind of like a tribute to Mr. Ferris, he may be gone but he is not forgotten!
Won't you be a follower in memory of good ole Chuck?

And as always, thanks for listening!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Toto I Believe We Are Not In Alaska Anymore

And remember....
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
And as always, thanks for listening!

Just A Few Things

#1 My Unit Bravo Battery 1Bn/109th Fa. is going to go over to Afghanistan as what they do best, Artillery Men Knocking the hell out of Alqaeda and taliban terroists!
Go get "em" boys and God Speed!

#2 How does a 45 year old man die?
By weighing over 300 lbs,2packs a day habit being on oxygen and having a massive heart attack.
Debbies friend Jesse had passed the other day at home,his sister had found him dead.
R.I.P Jesse!

#3 Buy a gun and get a permit to carry!
1/2 mile from my house there was a late night shooting 1 person dies the other is arrested!

#4 Note To self try to give a rats ass on turning the clocks back 1 hour tonight!

And as always, thanks for listening!